Here I am in your midst...

Here I am in your midst...

MARK 6:7-13

MARK 6:7-13
Jesus summoned the Twelve and began to send them out two by two
and gave them authority over unclean spirits.
He instructed them to take nothing for the journey but a walking stick
–no food, no sack, no money in their belts.
They were, however, to wear sandals but not a second tunic.
He said to them,
“Wherever you enter a house, stay there until you leave from there.
Whatever place does not welcome you or listen to you,
leave there and shake the dust off your feet
in testimony against them.”
So they went off and preached repentance.
The Twelve drove out many demons,
and they anointed with oil many who were sick and cured them.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Spiritual Direction

Recently I felt the Lord tugging on my heart.  Anxiety had overcome and overrun me in so many ways and I was determined to get "control" over it. I went to counseling, and sought out guidance. From a very trusted professional, I was able to see more clearly where my life and thoughts may need adjustment. I saw my doctor and sought out medication. Testing revealed the hormone imbalance within my body that needed treatment. And these things immensely helped me. But I still feel the Lord calling me, drawing me.... Something else was a the source of all this struggle and pain. Something much deeper and a void that only He could see or care for.

So I sought out spiritual direction, and the concept of this was not unfamiliar to me. I had heard of and received this kind of direction in the past. However, this time I needed it. God had smacked me with the kind of humility necessary to realize that I could not even wake up in the morning without his help and grace. And as difficult as this suffering phase of my life had been, I was grateful for it. I was grateful to need Him so desperately.


Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here, I find my rest
Without You, I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You
Oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense
My righteousness
Oh, God how I need You

Where sin runs deep
Your grace is more
Where grace is found, is where You are
Where You are, Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes, where You are, Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You
Oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense
My righteousness
Oh, God how I need You


Read more: Matt Maher - Lord I Need You Lyrics | MetroLyrics 


So I am committing, with the direction of spiritual advisory. I am committing to prayer. Everyday. Because, right now, I need You to do anything. I can't anymore. I have finally run myself down, thinking I am capable of so much. Thinking that I can just control everything into being perfect/right. And I have seen with my own eyes how weak I truely am. Our feet are made of clay. And I am devoting myself to prayer. I am devoted to praying everyday, to see the Lord in scripture and find Him in the place that he waits for me. That through scripture, repetition and examination of my conscience I can truly begin the soul healing that the Lord is desiring for my heart.

Lord take over my life and make me whole. I want to be Yours and Yours alone. I give you my children, my husband, my family, my job, my life, my home, my joys, my sorrows, my passions, my strengths, my weaknesses, my friends, and my enemies. I give it all to You Jesus. I surrender. And I commit to waking up everyday as Your servant. Lord Jesus, help me in the call that You have for me, that I may serve You well. And that everyday, regardless of joy or struggle my goal and purpose is to serve You and Your Holy Will for my life and for the whole world. Jesus, my feet are made of clay. Please give me the grace to persist in this devotion. Because temptation will arise from the enemy to distract me from Your dwelling place. Make me strong Jesus. And give me a heart like Yours to serve You and You alone.  Help me to seek You in prayer everyday and may it become for me the very air that I breathe. So that not a moment of my life may come without the mention of Your name. Jesus, I trust in You. Jesus, help me surrender all to You. Jesus, make me whole.


Lord, I need You
Oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense
My righteousness
Oh, God how I need You

Real Life

It's 9:00pm and I am home sick with the kids. My husband, poor man, is visiting with his ill grandfather who is in his last stages of life. We are out of clean towels, the baby needs her sheets washed, a mountain of dishes in the sink and I am literally about to fall apart. I need you Lord to enter in here. I am waving the white flag.

Real life is...
Feeling depression and not wanting to get out of bed to be mommy, wife, daughter or anything.

Real life is...
Having the baby smile at you for just that moment that you realize that when you thought you didn't have enough you might be able to keep going.

Real life is...
Feeling guilty about being sick when your husband is mourning the loss of his beloved grandfather.

Real life is...
Knowing that you need Jesus. That this life is just too much for any human person to handle, and that waving the white flag means that you are tired of doing it alone and desperately want the Lord to intervene.

Go ahead and wave your white flag. Give up and give over to Jesus. Let him carry the burden while you rest in His peace and the love of the eternal Father will envelope you and surround your heart with a peace that surpasses all understanding.