So I sought out spiritual direction, and the concept of this was not unfamiliar to me. I had heard of and received this kind of direction in the past. However, this time I needed it. God had smacked me with the kind of humility necessary to realize that I could not even wake up in the morning without his help and grace. And as difficult as this suffering phase of my life had been, I was grateful for it. I was grateful to need Him so desperately.
So I am committing, with the direction of spiritual advisory. I am committing to prayer. Everyday. Because, right now, I need You to do anything. I can't anymore. I have finally run myself down, thinking I am capable of so much. Thinking that I can just control everything into being perfect/right. And I have seen with my own eyes how weak I truely am. Our feet are made of clay. And I am devoting myself to prayer. I am devoted to praying everyday, to see the Lord in scripture and find Him in the place that he waits for me. That through scripture, repetition and examination of my conscience I can truly begin the soul healing that the Lord is desiring for my heart.
Lord take over my life and make me whole. I want to be Yours and Yours alone. I give you my children, my husband, my family, my job, my life, my home, my joys, my sorrows, my passions, my strengths, my weaknesses, my friends, and my enemies. I give it all to You Jesus. I surrender. And I commit to waking up everyday as Your servant. Lord Jesus, help me in the call that You have for me, that I may serve You well. And that everyday, regardless of joy or struggle my goal and purpose is to serve You and Your Holy Will for my life and for the whole world. Jesus, my feet are made of clay. Please give me the grace to persist in this devotion. Because temptation will arise from the enemy to distract me from Your dwelling place. Make me strong Jesus. And give me a heart like Yours to serve You and You alone. Help me to seek You in prayer everyday and may it become for me the very air that I breathe. So that not a moment of my life may come without the mention of Your name. Jesus, I trust in You. Jesus, help me surrender all to You. Jesus, make me whole.